yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I did not marry a roomba.
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