Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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