you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
