He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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