I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
