It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I could fuck to npr.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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