i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
