The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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