I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
