the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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