On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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