somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
