not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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