Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
