community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
