Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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