the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
