I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
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just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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