this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
