just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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