I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
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You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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