i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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