he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
