that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
do nipples grow back?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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