9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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