he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
