Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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