he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
