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if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
