i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
