Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
