life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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