I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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