There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
