Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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