Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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