Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
