if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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