anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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