i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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