once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
You peed on a flamingo?!?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
