I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
nutella sex= disaster
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
