Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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