Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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