I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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