Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
