Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
