My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
ttyl tear gas
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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