We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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