did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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