It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
