my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
