just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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