He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
