i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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