And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
