apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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