We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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