i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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