I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
