our cab driver is having phone sex.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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