When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
