you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
