A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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