why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
