Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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