So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
