my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
