I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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