Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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