just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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