apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
