Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
