I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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