she woke up with a sticky ear
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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