my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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