We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
