did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
