not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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